Willing Wednesday: Sitting with Pain

This week I sat with a Veteran in severe pain.  His face, body and mind were wracked with an emotional struggle that has gone on for decades.  He is angry, raging, despairing...even desperate.  And rightly so.  Things happened to him while he was serving our country in a combat zone that should never happen to anyone.  His emotional pain was so intense during our session that it was difficult for me to sit with him.  As we sat there, often in silence,  I found my mind searching for things that might make a difference... 

Get him back into his psychiatrist for more/better/different meds; Say something inspirational and life changing;  If he could just get enough sleep;  Or go back to church;  Or start praying;  If he had a better therapist;  If he tried harder to get better...

But instead, we continued to sit in silence, both of us acknowledging his pain.  Part of what was unique about this particular session was that we both knew that nothing would help.  (He and I have talked about this before in depth many times.)  There was nothing I could say or do that would absolve him of his pain.  There was nothing he could say or do to eliminate his pain, he has already tried.  So we sat together.  Honoring his pain.

As a psychologist I see this as a very good sign.  He is giving up control. Acknowledging that he/or others cannot cure him.  He is giving up control to gain control ...

Stay tuned for more on control next week...

For now, let's just sit with the pain.