Being Willing on Wednesday

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Will power.  Self-control that is especially relevant when it comes to change, breaking habits or starting new ones.  I'm not disciplined enough to...  I have no self-control of...  I have no will power when it come too...  Who knows how many hours have been wiled away daydreaming about all that might be possible if we  were able to access the full extent of will power.

Self-regulation isn't easy that's for sure, but does it come in measured increments?  Degrees?  Percentages?  Is it high or low?  Weak or strong?   Well, if that is the case then what is the matter with us?  We need to buckle down and get it right.... dammit!  More, better, faster, stronger, stricter.

I am writing to take issue with this.

There are days that I don't want to go to work.  I really don't want to go.  I struggle with burnout that comes from working day in and day out with toxic anger, extreme pessimism and hidden agendas.  Once in a while when it gets bad, I catch a glimpse of my thought process.  Is that tiny tickle that a sore throat coming on?  Could that sinus pressure morph into a migraine?   What if I have a flat tire in the morning?  Maybe a pipe will burst or my cat will get sick and I'll have to call in...   

Most days I go to work anyway.  And on the hard days, when it seems overwhelming, I give myself permission not to like it, not to enjoy it.  I put on an outfit that gives me a bit of a lift, pack myself a nourishing lunch and head out the door.  I don't try to trick myself into having a great day.  I don't bribe or threaten myself,  I let go of the struggle, stop feeding the resistance and assume a posture of willingness.

Then, I work hard to show up In The Moment and Be Present for the people who sit across from me.  I am willing to be there.   Slowly and ever so slightly a feeling emerges beginning as a tiny sense of pride and growing into a larger satisfaction for doing something that was hard, that I didn't want to do.  At the end of the day it is nearly always worth it.  Because I love working with people on their lives in such a personal and intimate way.  And once in a while, I know I have helped someone and that is bonus.

So, I propose,  maybe there is no such thing as will power.  Maybe there is simply willingness.   Willingness as a posture, a stance, an attitude.  A cloak we throw over our shoulders each time we face the world that is full of things we might rather avoid.

Let this post be the beginning of Willing Wednesdays!  What might you find yourself doing... if you were willing?