Today, twenty minutes into a forty-five minute therapy session, my client's cell phone rang. He said, "This is an important call, do you mind if I take it?" No biggie, this happens a lot. My clients other doctors have called, their kids schools, they've been invited for job interviews...etc. etc. So I say "Of course not, go ahead..." And I turn to my computer screen and try to read an email or two.
As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that my client has taken a call from a telemarketer. It eventually culminates with him saying "Please remove my phone number from your list." He is disconnected and then before I can make eye contact again, HE CALLS THE NUMBER BACK. And ensures that they know who he is and that his phone number has been removed from their list.
By this time he has burned away 10 minutes of our session. I am rather stunned- thinking I should address what just happened, but I don't. I collude with his avoidance. It is clear to me that he is trying to distract himself from feelings, vulnerability (Great TED talk Here) or facing what he really needs to face to make the changes he has self-identified and move in the direction he wants to his future. Even in that moment. But I don't say anything, I'm sort of tired, so I let it go. Instead, I jump right back in where we left off. I feel better when he cries- at least I made him cry, I tell myself. And then suddenly it is past the hour and I say..."our time is up" and I think to myself yup, our time is up, you would have had 10 more minutes but no...you had that important phone call... I have another client waiting.
I think I failed in this session today. Having the courage to shine the light on what happened in the moment would have been a powerful, salient here and now intervention. Man. Doing therapy is hard work. It takes constant awareness. Awareness of the self, the other, interactions of the self and other, the past and the present and even the future. Doing psychotherapy is an art and a science. Amen.
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