Take my number off your list

Today, twenty minutes into a forty-five minute therapy session, my client's cell phone rang.   He said, "This is an important call, do you mind if I take it?" No biggie, this happens a lot.  My clients other doctors have called, their kids schools, they've been invited for job interviews...etc. etc.  So I say "Of course not, go ahead..." And I turn to my computer screen and try to read an email or two.

As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that my client has taken a call from a telemarketer.  It eventually culminates with him saying "Please remove my phone number from your list."  He is disconnected and then before I can make eye contact again, HE CALLS THE NUMBER BACK.  And ensures that they know who he is and that his phone number has been removed from their list.

By this time he has burned away 10 minutes of our session.  I am rather stunned- thinking I should address what just happened, but I don't. I collude with his avoidance.  It is clear to me that he is trying to distract himself from feelings, vulnerability (Great TED talk Here) or facing what he really needs to face to make the changes he has self-identified and move in the direction he wants to his future.  Even in that moment.  But I don't say anything, I'm sort of tired, so I let it go.  Instead,  I jump right back in where we left off.  I feel better when he cries- at least I made him cry, I tell myself.  And then suddenly it is past the hour and I say..."our time is up" and I think to myself  yup, our time is up, you would have had 10 more minutes but no...you had that important phone call...  I have another client waiting.

I think I failed in this session today.  Having the courage to shine the light on what happened in the moment would have been a powerful, salient here and now intervention.  Man.  Doing therapy is hard work.  It takes constant awareness.  Awareness of the self, the other, interactions of the self and other, the past and the present and even the future.  Doing psychotherapy is an art and a science.  Amen.

Being Willing on Wednesday

http://www.etsy.com/shop/DLippens?ref=pr_shop_more 

Will power.  Self-control that is especially relevant when it comes to change, breaking habits or starting new ones.  I'm not disciplined enough to...  I have no self-control of...  I have no will power when it come too...  Who knows how many hours have been wiled away daydreaming about all that might be possible if we  were able to access the full extent of will power.

Self-regulation isn't easy that's for sure, but does it come in measured increments?  Degrees?  Percentages?  Is it high or low?  Weak or strong?   Well, if that is the case then what is the matter with us?  We need to buckle down and get it right.... dammit!  More, better, faster, stronger, stricter.

I am writing to take issue with this.

There are days that I don't want to go to work.  I really don't want to go.  I struggle with burnout that comes from working day in and day out with toxic anger, extreme pessimism and hidden agendas.  Once in a while when it gets bad, I catch a glimpse of my thought process.  Is that tiny tickle that a sore throat coming on?  Could that sinus pressure morph into a migraine?   What if I have a flat tire in the morning?  Maybe a pipe will burst or my cat will get sick and I'll have to call in...   

Most days I go to work anyway.  And on the hard days, when it seems overwhelming, I give myself permission not to like it, not to enjoy it.  I put on an outfit that gives me a bit of a lift, pack myself a nourishing lunch and head out the door.  I don't try to trick myself into having a great day.  I don't bribe or threaten myself,  I let go of the struggle, stop feeding the resistance and assume a posture of willingness.

Then, I work hard to show up In The Moment and Be Present for the people who sit across from me.  I am willing to be there.   Slowly and ever so slightly a feeling emerges beginning as a tiny sense of pride and growing into a larger satisfaction for doing something that was hard, that I didn't want to do.  At the end of the day it is nearly always worth it.  Because I love working with people on their lives in such a personal and intimate way.  And once in a while, I know I have helped someone and that is bonus.

So, I propose,  maybe there is no such thing as will power.  Maybe there is simply willingness.   Willingness as a posture, a stance, an attitude.  A cloak we throw over our shoulders each time we face the world that is full of things we might rather avoid.

Let this post be the beginning of Willing Wednesdays!  What might you find yourself doing... if you were willing?

Branching Out

These spring days I have been finding a theme in branches.  It seems like they are everywhere, stretching, greening and blooming.

I feel like I am stretching and going out on a limb this spring as well.  From the big shift of marriage, to cutting back on running and expanding my fitness routine to include weights, swimming and walking.  I've also been working to cut back on carbohydrates and increase protein in my daily diet.

Most mornings I've been making Walter and I a shake from 100% whey protein powder in vanilla, a ripe banana with a handful of strawberries and milk.  Sometimes almond milk.   My nifty sharper image hand blender does the trick smoothing everything together and clean up is pretty easy. It starts the day with a nice even energy that carries through to lunch time.   It typically measures out as follows for an 8-9 oz serving.

Calories:  230

Total Fat:  1gm

Total Carbs: 31

Fiber:  2gm

Protein:  29 gm

How 'bout you folks?  Anything new or different you are up to this spring?  

Here are some pretty pictures of other stuff in my life with branches...

80 Year Old Red Bud outside my house

My own custom made engagement ring by Renee Newton of Powder Mill Studio.

Golden Branch Ring by Renee Newton at Powder Mill Studio

My Wedding Band

Michael Aram's Gilded Steel Twig Collection

A wedding gift from my Aunt Jan