Last Saturdays ‘long’
training run was 6 miles. No
biggie. But it’s Oklahoma hot and I
don’t have a strong mileage base at this point so it felt as though it might
have well have been 18. As I fought
through mile four I started focusing on the light poles along Midland Valley Trail. Run three, walk one, run three, walk one.
Somewhere along the way I started to think about fear. Maybe it was the yoga class I took the night
before, maybe the crazy week I had, but
I meditated on fear as I ran. Run three,
walk one, run three, walk one.
The yoga instructor said the theme of the class was fear and
I thought about the pose that scares me. Plough. I’m not sure what it is about plough, I do
the pose- but I feel afraid. Like my own
body is going to crush me, or snap and break my neck. Run three, walk one, run three, walk one.
Then there was my work week in which I had one of the most
stressful days of my career. Once in a
while, working in behavioral medicine and with combat Veterans to boot-
situations can get very intense and frightening very quickly. Don’t worry, everyone is safe, but I was
really scared. In a juxtaposition, I also thought about an active therapy case I
have in which a Vietnam Veteran is facing the fears/demons/trauma that have
been a monkey on his back for the past 40 years. He is feeling his feelings of acute fear,
sadness, and horror for the first time. It takes courage to be honest with ourselves about what we are feeling. It takes bravery to feel one’s feelings and
allow them to be expressed, push through the pain and fear and come out on the other side. Run FOUR, walk one, Run Four, walk one.
Sometimes it also takes courage to run 6 miles.
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